Martin Short kicked off his monologue for his fifth time hosting “Saturday Night Live” by joking that he had to get through it quickly, because “I have 10 sketches to get to where I play an elf.”
He then added: “Also, I left my Uber driver waiting, and you know how testy Matt Gaetz can get,” referring to the disgraced former U.S. congressman.
The first half of Short’s monologue continued in that fashion with old fashioned set-up, punchline jokes. He thanked “SNL” creator and executive producer Lorne Michaels for inviting him to host on the show’s 50th season, noting that they’re “very close friends.”
“We’re kind of like Trump and Elon Musk,” Short added. “Without the sexual tension.”
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Short said that along with joining the illustrious Five-Timers Club as a host, he’s about to start Season 5 of “Only Murders in the Building,” and he owns five Tesla Cybertrucks. “Not to drive,” he added. “It’s just they’re so beautiful.”
As for Short’s “Only Murders” costar Steve Martin, a longtime member of the Five-Timers Club, “he would have been here tonight,” Short said. “But he had a conflict — with me not wanting him to be here.”
At this point, Short was joined on stage by cast members Sarah Sherman, Heidi Gardner, Ego Nwodim, Kenan Thompson and Bowen Yang, who complained to Short that they’re all stressed out about the holidays — a prompt for Short to deploy a classic “SNL” monologue song.
So Short took the standard tour through the hallways of Studio 8H, singing to the tune of Johnny Mathis’ “We Need a Little Christmas,” with the lyrics changed to be about all the medications people require to get through the season.
“So you need a new prescription, just to get through Christmas,” Short sang. “Yes, you need a new prescription to fly higher than Blitzen. Don’t snort snow and don’t smoke holly. Here’s my plan to make you jolly!”
Short then listed a bevy of drugs, before singing, “Take it from this pruner: Get those meds before they’re outlawed by RFK Junior!”
After a brief pitstop to make out with Jimmy Fallon — who’d just appeared in Short’s Five-Timers Club cold open sketch — Short took the show back to the stage for the big finish, before telling fans to stick around for musical guest Hozier.
You can watch the whole monologue below: