Tom Hanks opened the 2024 season finale of “Saturday Night Live” and could barely get a “hello” out of his mouth before the audience in Studio 8H went wild with excitement. Sitting in a leather chair and wearing his Five-Timers Club jacket, the actor said, “Hello, I’m Tom Hanks.”
Explaining the origin of the esteemed club, Hanks said, “In December 1990, I created the SNL Five-Timers Club, an ingeniously lazy way to avoid writing a monologue. It has grown into one of the most exclusive clubs in the industry. And tonight, we are here to induct our newest member.”
Paul Rudd, a fellow member, showed up onstage, holding a cocktail. “Hey, Tom, I gotta ask. Who the hell are you talking to here, pal?” Rudd asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve done so many documentaries whenever I sit in a leather chair, I just naturally assume I’m in one,” Hanks replied.
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“Well, should we let him inside, he’s been staying out there for twenty minutes!” said Rudd.
“Martin Short!” cried Hanks, throwing open the door onstage to welcome Short. “Wow, oh my goodness!” declared Short. “What a surprise that I’ve known about all week!” Rudd and Short then showed off the “Secret Five-Timer’s Club Handshake.”
“What do they call you, Marty or Martin?” Rudd asked.
“Well, my friends all call me Marty, so you can call me Mr. Martin Short,” Short said.
“Marty, Congratulations!” said former “SNL” head writer Tina Fey as she appeared onstage in her Five-Timer’s Club jacket. “I’m so glad you are here!” said Short. “You are one of the rarest things in Hollywood: a writer who’s attractive enough to be on camera.”
Current cast member Bowen Yang appeared with tray full of martinis. “May I offer you a signature cocktail: the Marty-tini?” said Hanks. “It’s just like you,” said Rudd. “Super sweet and after a few sips, you’re like, ‘I get it.’”
“It’s often served with our Steve Martini,” said Hanks, “But tonight, we’re serving it solo.”
“And I bet it’s even better on its own!” said Short, who stars in “Only Murders in the Building” alongside friend Steve Martin.
After Hanks told Short that they were celebrating “our annual Christmas party,” Alec Baldwin appeared onstage wearing a jacket with a number 17 on it. “That’s right, I’ve hosted 17 times,” Baldwin said. “I happen to be a type for the show. They call me when they need someone to play a Republican. Because of my face, my voice, and my strong Daddy vibes.”
The parade of stars continued with Scarlett Johansson, who slammed the door behind her — and in the face of her husband, “SNL” cast member Colin Jost (accidentally foreshadowing Jost’s surprise Weekend Update routine about her). Later, former “SNL” cast member Kristen Wiig popped in. “Hey, guys!” she said, wearing a bathrobe. “I’m not living here,” said Wiig. “No one said that,” Johansson replied.
Wiig turned to Short. “I hope you’re not expecting a repeat of last year,” she said. “We took a hot yoga class together where we made love and then got kicked out, and we both voted for Trump,” said Wiig. “Don’t tell them that!” said Short. “It’s okay, in this club, you can be completely honest!” Wiig said.
Then, the club members all started sharing secrets. “Ant Man’s powers aren’t good,” Rudd said. “It’s me that’s flying those drones,” Fey said, referring to New Jersey residents complaints of drones flying over the state. “All of them!”
“I never had Covid!” said Hanks, whose diagnosis famously started the pandemic in 2020.
“I have Covid right now!” said Johansson enthusiastically.
“I have way too many children,” said Baldwin quietly, smoking a cigarette in the corner.
Interrupting the oversharing, Wiig asked, “Wait, is this a Five-Timers thing or an ‘Only Murders’ reunion?”
“Isn’t it embarrassing when shows throw in cameos just for cheap ratings boost?” asked Short. On cue, Melissa McCarthy and Emma Stone appeared, with Stone wearing a Santa hat.
“I just have to say that it is so nice to see each other outside of a sketch,” said McCarthy. “This is a classy place, and we don’t do any of that sophomore comedy stuff here do we, Marty? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d love to treat myself to a cocktail.” With that, McCarthy went over to the bar pouring a beer into her mouth from the tap, then fell through a wall — and John Mulaney walked through the hole.
“I just stopped by to say congratulations,” he said.
Hanks then called out for the “jacket boy,” and former cast member Jimmy Fallon appeared onstage, saying, “Marty, I’m so happy to be here with you in this moment to present your Five-Timers Club jacket in exactly your size: a women’s small.”
In an unrehearsed moment, Short struggled to get his coat on, and then all the members of the Five-Timers Club said, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” kicking off the last episode of the year.
Hozier is the episode’s musical guest. You can watch the whole sketch below: